No More Broken Wings

I am quite possibly a typical abuse victim or maybe not. I have to decide how much I want people to know. Do I reveal all and risk revealing myself and my "Emily"? Do I bare my soul and pray someone will read this and say okay enough is enough?

I heard this song and it did not hit me until after I left my abuser. But which abuser would that have been? Was it my father? My mother? Any of a number of my family? My husband, father to my "Emily"? Maybe I was not ready for the message this song has given me?

What message is that? I do not want to blame. I want to move on. How can I move on when everyday I fear? Every day I wait for that other shoe. Every day I fear. EVERYDAY!

I made the mistakes. I ignored the signs. I hope my "Emily" can see those signs and run fast. I actually pray that she does not have to learn the hard way. I hope I can give her the gift of trust. How do I do that when I cannot trust even myself because of my choices? Can my heart break more than it already has?

Do I play on the safe side? Or do I continue to go down a wreckless path? What did I ever do to have such a life? What life is that? This life where I struggle and fight and cower and fear. The life where I would love to stray and see what is there. I want to let someone in DAMMIT! But BECAUSE OF YOU I AM AFRAID. Why and how did you get that power? How do I take it back?



I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Labels: Abuse, Because of You, Fear, Freedom, Music, Songs Free Us