No More Broken Wings

Why did nobody call when they heard the screaming behind the wall? Did they not hear my terror filled cries? Did they not hear Emily when she would beg daddy to stop? Why did the police turn their backs on us? Why didn't they find him when he ran after the beatings? Why didn't anyone listen at all?



Last night I heard the screaming
Loud voices behind the wall
Another sleepless night for me
It won't do no good to call
The police
Always come late hey
If they come at all

Last night I heard the screaming
Loud voices behind the wall
Another sleepless night for me
It won't do no good to call
The police
Always come late hey
If they come at all

And when they arrive
They say they can't interfere
With domestic affairs
Between a man and his wife
And as they walk out the door
The tears well up in her eyes

Last night I heard the screaming
Then a silence that chilled my soul
Prayed that I was dreaming
When I saw the ambulance in the road

And the policeman said
"I'm here to keep the peace
Will the crowd disperse
I think we all could use some sleep"

Last night I heard the screaming
Loud voices behind the wall
Another sleepless night for me
It won't do no good to call
The police
Always come late hey
If they come at all

Labels: Abuse, Behind The Wall, Music, Police, Songs Free Us, Tracy Chapman

I have left so there will be no more bloodstains on the carpet. But what kind of pain are you causing with your stalking? With your constant threats? With your itimidation tactics? Why do the courts and law enforcement allow you to do this?



As He Came Into The Window
It Was The Sound Of A Crescendo
He Came Into Her Apartment
He Left The Bloodstains On The Carpet
She Ran Underneath The Table
He Could See She Was Unable
So She Ran Into The Bedroom
She Was Struck Down, It Was Her Doom

Annie Are You OK
So, Annie Are You OK
Are You OK, Annie
Annie Are You OK
So, Annie Are You OK
Are You OK, Annie
Annie Are You OK
So, Annie Are You OK
Are You OK, Annie
Annie Are You OK
So, Annie Are You OK,
Are You OK, Annie

(Annie Are You OK)
(Will You Tell Us That You're OK)
(There's A Sign In The Window)
(That He Struck You-A Crescendo Annie)
(He Came Into Your Apartment)
(He Left The Bloodstains On The Carpet)
(Then You Ran Into The Bedroom)
(You Were Struck Down)
(It Was Your Doom)

Annie Are You OK
So, Annie Are You OK
Are You OK Annie
Annie Are You OK
So, Annie Are You OK
Are You OK Annie
Annie Are You OK
So, Annie Are You OK
Are You OK Annie
You've Been Hit By
You've Been hit By
A Smooth Criminal

So They Came Into The Outway
It Was Sunday-What A Black Day
Mouth To Mouth Resus-Citation
Sounding Heartbeats-Intimidations

Annie Are You OK
So, Annie Are You OK
Are You OK Annie
Annie Are You OK
So, Annie Are You OK
Are You OK Annie
Annie Are You OK
So, Annie Are You OK
Are You OK Annie
Annie Are You OK
So, Annie Are You OK
Are You OK Annie

(Annie Are You OK)
(Will You Tell Us That You're OK)
(There's A Sign In The Window)
(That He Struck You-A Crescendo Annie)
(He Came Into Your Apartment)
(He Left The Bloodstains On The Carpet)
(Then You Ran Into The Bedroom)
(You Were Struck Down)
(It Was Your Doom)

(Annie Are You OK)
(So, Annie Are You OK)
(Are You OK Annie)
(You've Been Hit By)
(You've Been Struck By
A Smooth Criminal)

Okay, I Want Everybody To Clear The Area Right Now!

Aaow!
(Annie Are You OK)
I Don't Know!
(Will You Tell Us, That You're OK)
I Don't Know!
(There's A Sign In The Window)
I Don't Know!
(That He Struck You-A Crescendo Annie)
I Don't Know!
(He Came Into Your Apartment)
I Don't Know!
(Left Bloodstains On The Carpet)
I Don't Know Why Baby!
(Then You Ran Into The Bedroom)
I Don't Know!
(You Were Struck Down)
(It Was Your Doom-Annie!)
(Annie Are You OK)
Dad Gone It-Baby!
(Will You Tell Us, That You're OK)
Dad Gone It-Baby!
(There's A Sign In The Window)
Dad Gone It-Baby!
(That He Struck You-A Crescendo Annie)
Hoo! Hoo!
(He Came Into Your Apartment)
Dad Gone It!
(Left Bloodstains On The Carpet)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
(Then You Ran Into The Bedroom)
Doggone It!
(You Were Struck Down)
(It Was Your Doom-Annie!)
Aaow!!!

Labels: Abuse, Freedom, Music, Smooth Criminal, Songs Free Us

I am quite possibly a typical abuse victim or maybe not. I have to decide how much I want people to know. Do I reveal all and risk revealing myself and my "Emily"? Do I bare my soul and pray someone will read this and say okay enough is enough?

I heard this song and it did not hit me until after I left my abuser. But which abuser would that have been? Was it my father? My mother? Any of a number of my family? My husband, father to my "Emily"? Maybe I was not ready for the message this song has given me?

What message is that? I do not want to blame. I want to move on. How can I move on when everyday I fear? Every day I wait for that other shoe. Every day I fear. EVERYDAY!

I made the mistakes. I ignored the signs. I hope my "Emily" can see those signs and run fast. I actually pray that she does not have to learn the hard way. I hope I can give her the gift of trust. How do I do that when I cannot trust even myself because of my choices? Can my heart break more than it already has?

Do I play on the safe side? Or do I continue to go down a wreckless path? What did I ever do to have such a life? What life is that? This life where I struggle and fight and cower and fear. The life where I would love to stray and see what is there. I want to let someone in DAMMIT! But BECAUSE OF YOU I AM AFRAID. Why and how did you get that power? How do I take it back?



I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Labels: Abuse, Because of You, Fear, Freedom, Music, Songs Free Us

Many might wonder - why did you leave? What was so awful? I have an Emily also. I did NOT want my Emily growing up like I did. I did not want her to think beatings were part of everyday life. She needs respect, needs to see it, give it, and get it in return. She needs to know that men and women can love each other and not CONTROL. So please watch the videos I post, read my story and that of my Emily, and maybe you will cry, maybe you will be as angry as I am, and maybe, just maybe you will want to do something about this horrendous experience. Maybe the next Emily will be free from this.



Floorboard's filled with baby toys
An' empty coke bottles an' coffee cups
Drivin' through the rain with no radio
Tryin' not to wake her up

Cell phone says "low battery"
God what if i break down?
I'm just lookin' for an exit with a lotta lights
A safe little interstate town

Just a cheap hotel
With a single bed
And cable tv
Is good enough for me an' emily

Some day when she's old enough
She's gonna start askin' questions about him
Some kid at school brings his dad for show an' tell
An' gets her little mind a wonderin'

"where's my daddy? do i have one?
Does he not love me like you do?"
Oh maybe i'll find someone to love the both of us now
An' i'll tell her when she's old enough to know the truth

Will it break her heart?
Will she understand
That i had to leave?
That's what was best for me an' emily

That house was never clean enough his dinner never warm enough
Nothing i did was ever good enough to make him happy
So i guess he gave me what he thought i deserved
But it would kill me if he ever raised his hand to her

Big rigs are throwin' rain on my windshield now
An' i feel like they're laughin' at me
Finally the storm is lettin' up
An' the mornin' is breakin' free

It's a brand new day
It's a second chance
Yesterday is just a memory
For me an' emily

Floorboard is filled with baby toys
An' empty coke bottles an' coffee cups
Least there's one good thing that he gave me
An' she's startin' to wake up

Labels: Freedom, Me and Emily, Music, Songs Free Us

From time to time I will post videos about my experiences.  I am posting this as my first in honor of my blog and my journey to the light and to truth and to freedom!



She loved him like he was
The last man on Earth
Gave him everything she ever had
He'd break her spirit down
Then come lovin' up on her
Give a little then take it back

She'd tell him about her dreams
He'd just shoot 'em down
Lord he loved to make her cry
You're crazy for believin'
You'll ever leave the ground
He said Only angels know how to fly

And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

One Sunday morning
She didn't go to church
He wondered why she didn't leave
He went up to the bedroom
Found a note by the window
With the curtains blowin' in the breeze

And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

Labels: Broken Wing, Freedom, Music, Songs Free Us