No More Broken Wings

My abuser won another battle in this war he has created. All I wanted was to raise my daughter in peace free from abuse. This man raped me, battered me, terrorized me. And now he has pulled Emily into this nightmare. How I wish I could have just hit the road and not had to suffer through this, how I wish I could have protected Emily from this monster. Now he has an ally in his new paramour. But as my best friend so eloquently pointed out, I am strong. This is only temporary. He has not seen the last of me. I will come back stronger than ever. I will not allow him to push me down and hurt me and our child any longer.

Times are hard but I was built tough I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of.....


And I will......

"You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me"

Feeling broken
Barely holding on
But there's just something so strong
Somewhere inside me
And I am down but I'll get up again
Don't count me out just yet

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me
You haven't seen the last of me

They can say that
I won't stay around
But I'm gonna stand my ground
You're not gonna stop me
You don't know me
You don't know who I am
Don't count me out so fast

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me

There will be no fade out
This is not the end
I'm down now
But I'll be standing tall again
Times are hard but
I was built tough
I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
I am far from over
You haven't seen the last of me

No no
I'm not going nowhere
I'm staying right here
Oh no
You won't see me begging
I'm not taking my bow
Can't stop me
It's not the end
You haven't seen the last of me
Oh no
You haven't seen the last of me
You haven't seen the last of me

Labels: Abuse, Annie, Cher, Emily, Fear, Freedom, Music, Restraining Order Abuse, Songs Free Us, Stalking, You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me Yet

You can run over me with your 18 wheeler but you can't keep me down, down, down, down

Enough is enough already! I have thought about this for the many years that you have been trying to hurt Emily and I. I have digested everything I can on this subject. I have talked to countless moms, dads and many many others. I am tired of the emotional roller coaster. Tired of the trust issues I have. Tired of the fears, the anger, the loneliness.

I swore I would not let you keep me down and I AM getting back up. You wanted to spend these years trying to get even for what you perceived to be wrongs directed at YOU. This was about you, but it was more about me and Emily. Will you EVER see that?

Sadly I doubt it......



18 Wheeler" Ringtone to your Cell

Can't keep me down
Can't keep me down, down
Can't keep me down
I said you can't keep me down
You know you can't keep me down
I said you can't keep me down

Hey, hey, man! What's your problem?
I see you tryin' to hurt me bad
Don't know what you're up against
Maybe you should reconsider
Come up with another plan
Cuz you know I'm not that kinda girl
That'll lay there and let you come first

You can push me out the window
I'll just get back up
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler truck
And I won't give a fuck
You can hang me like a slave
I'll go underground
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler but
You can't keep me down, down, down, down

Can't keep me down, down
Can't keep me down, down, down
Can't keep me down, down

Hey, hey, girl! Are you ready for today?
You got your shield and sword?
Cuz its time to play the games
You are beautiful
Even though your not for sure
Don't let him pull you by the scar
You're gonna get your feelings hurt

You can push me out the window
I'll just get back up
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler truck
And I won't give a fuck
You can hang me like a slave
I'll go underground
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler but
You can't keep me down, down, down, down

You can push me out the window
I'll just get back up
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler truck
And I won't give a fuck
You can hang me like a slave
I'll go underground
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler but
You can't keep me down, down, down, down

Everywhere that I go
There's someone waitin' to chain me
Everything that I say
There's someone tryin' to short-change me
I am only this way
Because of what you have made me
And I'm not gonna break!

You can push me out the window
I'll just get back up
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler truck
And I won't give a fuck
You can hang me like a slave
I'll go underground
You can run over me with your 18 wheeler but
You can't keep me down, down, down, down

Labels: 18 Wheeler, Abuse, Annie, Emily, Pink, Stalking

When this was released I truly felt this was about a man who loved his partner/wife/girlfriend. Wow how deluded was I? I now see it on the other end of a relationship plagued by stalking issues. Emily is even being used to escalate the stalking, so that my activities and whereabouts can be determined at any time - night or day. Does mommy stay at home? When does mommy get home? Where does mommy go when she leaves? Does anyone visit your mommy? Who comes to your house? Where do you and mommy go? Does mommy have a new boyfriend? Where does mommy's boyfriend live?

Then we get to move on to the harrassment and stalking of the boyfriend. Well, Mr. Z, you know Annie is a criminal? And I know all about this because... well I am just making up whatever I want to make up because I was not there and she told me about what happened and of course she is lying. All these women lie you see.

I know pretty lame huh? Brain is tired and very angry right now. I see something good slipping away and why? Because a man has the right to be a father. Children do not have rights to be safe. Mothers and ex-wives do not have a right to be people anymore. As if they ever had a right to be safe, to be their own person.

So back to "Every Breath You Take".... I see my abuser, Emily's abuser out there all the time. You might think I am crazy, but he admitted to following me and Emily and he also admitted to having friends and his family do likewise. The person to whom he admitted this little tidbit of information had an interesting observation.

First I would like a few comments about what you felt this "professional's" reply to me was about this admitted stalking. In a few days (or weeks whenever I feel like answering), I will post the actual verbatim comment (as noted in case files).

Now this will be interesting. I am curious what my readers think. And guess what? The results will probably surprise you and will probably scare many of you. And before we jump to conclusions, there is ABSOLUTELY no way this comment could be mistaken for anything other than what was spoken.

So on I go to zzz-land to catch a few winks before returning to my weekday world of jobs and school and lunches and work. Some enjoyment in the next week for me as there was this weekend. Still worried though as we quickly approach a major holiday and the abuser is set to turn up the volume on how much and whom he can control.

AND ABUSE.....



Every breath you take and every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take, I'll be watching you
Every single day and every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay, I'll be watching you
Oh can't you see you belong to me?
How my poor heart aches with every step you take
Every move you make and every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake, I'll be watching you
Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace
I dream at night
I can only see your face
I look around but it's you I can't replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby please

Oh can't you see you belong to me?
How my poor heart aches with every step you take
Every move you make
And every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake, I'll be watching you
Every move you make
Every step you take, I'll be watching you, I'll be watching you
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take, I'll be watching you
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay, I'll be watching you
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake, I'll be watching you
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay, I'll be watching you
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take, I'll be watching you
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay, I'll be watching you
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake, I'll be watching you
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay, I'll be watching you
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take, I'll be watching you

Labels: Abuse, Every Breath You Take, Music, Police, Songs Free Us, Stalking